I Like This Chick:
Global International Sex Study Supports Female-Led Relationships
University of Chicago researchers announced on April 19, 2006 that they have completed research that is based on a survey of more than 27,500 people, aged between 40 and 89 who are living in 29 different countries. Both married and single people participated in the study. Sexual orientation was not asked for cultural reasons. The survey included questions about how physically or emotionally satisfying relationships are to men and Women and how important sex is to them.
The lead researcher, Edward Laumann is a world renowned sex researcher. Within an interview about the study, he said, “In relationships that are based on equality, couples tend to develop sexual habits that are more in keeping with both partners’ interests....... Male–centered cultures where sexual behavior is more oriented toward male pleasure and procreation tend to discount the importance of sexual pleasure for Women.” This is an interesting statement from a Female-Led perspective.
In Western nations, two-thirds of men and 58 percent of Women said they were satisfied with their sexual lives. In Middle Eastern nations, half of men and 38 percent of Women were satisfied. In East Asian countries, the satisfaction numbers dropped to only about a quarter of men and Women. In China, "basically the Women are much more likely to characterize sex as a duty," said Laumann, adding that some 30 percent of Chinese Women regard performing sex as something that is a very "dirty act." Sex in China is "basically to continue the family," he said. Also, "men are not allowed to masturbate because it wastes their seed. It's all very puritanical." In Islamic nations, sex is considered even more an important part of life than in the West, Laumann said. "In the marital relationship, both men and Women are to derive something from sex -- it's an important part of their ties to one another," said Laumann. Yet, satisfaction levels in the Far East are lower than the West because "Women are regarded as chattel and possessions of the male," he said.
According to Laumann, "It's clear that where there is attention to Women in daily life, they are likely to be having more orgasms. When Mama's not happy, nobody's happy."
I completely agree!
In fact many of the findings of the study actually support my long time position and philosophies on the benefits of living within a Female-Led relationship lifestyle. This is largely based upon my own personal life experiences. I think most Americans know down deep by now that, ‘equal’ does not work and that many men want the Woman to actually be in the leadership role.'
There are NO Relationships in Life that are Equal
Once again, there are no relationships in life that are equal; I don't know of a single one. In business, sports, the professions, the military, religious and learning institutions, you name it, someone is in charge or has a higher status and someone takes the orders or is a subordinate. Even with your friends there is a subtle power shift; one of you is almost always the more Dominant of the two.
For some reason, even though the entire planet works on this premise, including the animal kingdom, when it comes to a love relationship you're expected to be "equal" in all things. This is nonsense. One person's Dominance will always struggle to rise to the fore. They may be Female or male, but one person is going to fight to get the ultimate control. Very often it is the Female who is the most vocal and takes control and once we will all start admitting it in public the Female-Led approach will become an accepted relationship lifestyle.
The umbrella for the Female-Led lifestyle is broad. Female-Led is an unequal partnership between a Female who is In-Charge and Her male. The Female is in the Leadership role and the recognized Partner-In-Charge of the relationship. The Female makes the primary decisions about most areas of the relationship. This type of relationship does have areas of balance and may be a 24/7 lifestyle as I choose to live it, or it or may be something you do just for fun at certain times in your life as you occasionally experiment with it, or it may be lived in the realm of fantasy as the range of our erotic imagination is limitless. Whatever approach you take to the Female-Led lifestyle understand that it is being lived in countless bedrooms around the world because it holds the promise of such intense intimacy and sharing. Is Female-Led untraditional? Is it normal?
Many males are secretly submissive and are looking for alternative ways to establish and bring a Female-Led relationship into their life in a uniquely intellectual way. Often this is because they live with an incredibly gifted Woman who they recognize can give them the emotional help they need. I have immersed myself in the study of human behavior in looking for alternative lifestyle approaches for how a Woman can successfully meld marriage, motherhood and career. There is no right or single answer and the right solution varies for every couple.
I did not accept equality in my relationship and do not feel any Woman should unless that is what she truly wants. All aspects of a relationship should be negotiated. Do you want to put your marriage ahead of your career or do you want your work to come first and then shift to a different balance later? How would that work? How does one handle the conflict and confusion?
As Women become more independent and with more 'male energy,' men typically become intimidated and more 'female,' reticent and unable to express their desires and take on the challenge of living with an independent Alpha Woman. For these men the only answer is that they want a traditional, controllable and docile Woman. Regardless of age many Women are facing these types of relationship issues. The answer is for Women to negotiate better relationships......that are first and foremost Female-Led.
Are You Within a Relationship Where There is a Struggle with male and Female Roles?
I believe an approach that works well for many couples is one where there is open negotiation over such things as career, money, children, sexual relations and all of the kinks that go along with balancing all of this out. The concept of the 'Dynamic male' is that he must learn to find and identify his feminine side and learn how to support a Woman who is in the lead role. A Dynamic male is not envious of an Alpha Woman and accepts that she is entitled to having the prestige and power in the relationship. He also understands that he must learn to live subordinate and is to respect all Women and to cherish his Female partner as the dominant partner. The key to a successful Female-Led relationship is understanding the many stages of transition and evolution that a Female-Led relationship goes through. Once again each and every relationship has different dynamics and requires a unique approach. The key is communication and learning how to negotiate differences.
Between the ages of forty and sixty the hormones of males and Females undergo dramatic changes. This is unavoidable and is the time when many Women become the Alpha and their male partner becomes the subordinate and submissive partner. Put another way, this is when the masculine energy emerges for the Female and the Feminine energy emerges for the male.
The evolved Alpha Woman must help her submissive male evolve into his new subordinate role. Communication techniques and assumptions must change for an intentional Female-Led couple to achieve relationship success.
Read more about this study as well as correlations to male hypersexuality and male submissive sexuality within my E-Zine Blake Spectator for Women. All members to my web site have access to my highly acclaimed, The Art of Female Dominance web site..............
She's satisfied, he wants more — and different
Elle/MSNBC.com sex survey reveals a big disconnect in the bedroom
In February 2006, Elle Magazine and MSNBC.com asked readers to talk about sex in an exclusive online survey. Specifically, the study was focused on sex in long-term relationships. Does it sizzle or fizzle once infatuation fades?
Over two weeks, 77,895 readers, half Women and half men, completed the survey. Nine out of 10 respondents were in a monogamous relationship. Women of all ages reported that are enjoying sex with their partner more now than they used to perhaps indicating that more and more Women are taking charge in the bedroom to insure that HER sexual needs are being met and they SHE is the one being satisfied. Many men however, felt the thrills were not quite what they used to be. Hmmmm...........
Almost two-thirds of Women participants, ranging from ages 18 up to 85, said they are now satisfied or very satisfied with their sex life. They feel less sexually inhibited than they did in the early days of their relationship and are having more multiple orgasms and despite the cliché of the elusive Female Big O, two-thirds of Women respondents said they usually or always climax during love-making. “Women are getting as much sex as they need and they’re getting a lot of emotional satisfaction,” says Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University at Los Angeles who helped develop the survey and is surprised by how satisfied Female respondents said they were. "They are having sex on their terms, as often as they want, and with fewer inhibitions.” ~ That is THE foundation and core principle of the Intentional Female-Led relationship lifestyle. It is all about pleasing HER inside and outside of the bedroom!
But while many Women are reporting sizzling monogamy, the guys had a more lukewarm response. Although men and Women start with the same level of sexual satisfaction when they begin a relationship, after just a few years men claim to be less content, both physically and emotionally, than they were in the early days. While 49 percent of men said they're satisfied or very satisfied with their sex life, almost twice as many males as Women reported being very dissatisfied (24 percent vs. 13 percent) with their bedroom activities. Hmmmm.....
Men were more likely to report less sexual frequency — 73 percent of men said there was more sex in the early days, compared with 65 percent of women. “Men have a greater preference for different partners and variety,” says Sandra Leiblum, director of the Center for Sexual and Marital Health at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, New Jersey, who was not involved in the survey. “It’s not surprising for men that being in a relationship may get boring. They feel tied down." ~ My Advice: I say tie him down using rope, chains or silk scarves..........then give him something that will have him never thinking of straying for something strange or different.
This study sync's with the Female-Led intentional relationship model in many areas, one of the more significant is that males are reporting they are getting less oral sex and having fewer multiple orgasms per session than in those good old days when it was the male who was calling the shots in the bedroom. Apparently, this is just a memory for many males with a third of men saying, their partner doesn’t like to give oral sex and never or only rarely performs it now.
Another key finding was that 97 percent of men and Women who reported being very satisfied with their sex lives said they are happy with their partner overall. Couples who reported good sexual communication and were open to trying new bedroom tricks reported being quite satisfied even decades after they met. Of couples who have been together six years or more, 34 percent said their passion is as strong as in the early days. Even after up to 20 years, one in three couples is still having a fabulous sex life.
If you need some excitement and new bedroom tricks take a look inside of The Art of Female Dominanceweb site where it is always the Woman who is absolutely In Charge!
Taking Sex Seriously
"Overall, the people who take their sex life seriously are the people who have the best sex," says Leiblum. "People who do the same old, same old are the ones who report that sex is boring."
The new survey’s positive picture of Women’s sex lives seems to contradict the stereotype of the “hurried Woman syndrome,” where overworked, stressed-out Females collapse in bed on a regular basis, too tired to muster up an orgasm. Even still, 42 percent of Women cited stress or being too busy as reasons why they didn't have sex at one point or another in the prior month. One exception to the overall positive picture for Women is the large group — nearly 25 percent — whose negative body image prevents them from feeling sexy. Only one in 20 males said they felt that way, the survey found.
"It's not just that women feel bad about their bodies," says Lever. "It has a distinct carryover into their sex lives. Even if their partner finds them beautiful, the women still don’t feel attractive enough to take off their clothes and have sex."
The Juicy Details
How often do you have sex? Most men and Women said they have sex once or twice a week. Yet, taking all their answers into account, men think they’re having less sex than Women: Men said they have sex a median of 5.5 times a month while Women said 8.4 times. Two percent of respondents in a relationship said they were not having sex, and another 2 percent said they have sex more than once a day.
Who wants more sex? Sixty-six percent of men said that they want more sex than their partner, yet only 38 percent of Women said their male partner wants more sex than they do.
How satisfied are you with your sex life? Forty-six percent of women but only 32 percent of men said they’re “very satisfied” with their sex life. Twenty-three percent of men compared with only 13 percent of women said they’re "very dissatisfied." As many women — right up to the age of 65 — said they're "very satisfied" as men ages 18 to 24.
Are you satisfied with the variety of sex? Three-quarters of Women yet just half of men are satisfied with the variety of positions and activities in their love-making. Overall, 68 percent of respondents said their sex life is predictable.
What boosts your sexual satisfaction? For men, the best predictors of sexual satisfaction were changing sexual positions, receiving oral sex and deep kissing. Interesting.......For Women, the best predictors were deep kissing, gentle kissing and changing positions. The Female-Led relationship lovemaking style is all about both gentle and deep kissing of the Female genitals and receiving oral sex. That sounds pretty close to me!
Do you feel desired by your partner? Fifty-three percent of men versus 37 percent of Women said they felt more desired by their partner in the earlier days of their relationship.
Do you have as much passion in your sex life now as when you first started having sex with your partner? Seventy percent of those together one year said they have retained their passion, compared with 58 percent of those together two years, 45 percent of those together three to five years, and 34 percent of those together six or more years.
What have you done to spice up your sex life in the last year? Sixty-four percent of respondents said they used massage, 59 percent took a bath together, 59 percent used lingerie, 54 percent tried a new sexual position, 41 percent went on a romantic getaway, 40 percent used a vibrator, dildo or other sex toy such as a strap-on, 37 percent watched erotic porn, 34 percent talked about or acted out sexual fantasies, 23 percent had anal sex, 22 percent had sex in public, 21 percent integrated food into sex (e.g. chocolate sauce, whipped cream, liquid or milk), 18 percent tried light Dominance and submission (e.g. bondage restraints, spanking), 14 percent videotaped themselves having sex or posed for pictures in the nude, and 5 percent engaged in a threesome.
Why do some Women enjoy Anal Sex?
"It helps me feel a whole different part of my Vagina when he has his tongue buried deeply into my bottom. The fact that it is so tight and nasty I absolutely love, and it is a real turn-on for him too! Usually it is really late at night when my inhibitions are down that I push his head down to begin to pleasure me.
Some people have the notion that the only reason a Woman will do anal sex is to please her male partner. Not a single Woman who I have ever spoken with about this topic has ever mentioned anything about wanting to please her partner. I want my husband to do this for me because it just feels good! The anus is filled with a lot of nerve receptors that transmit to the brain and I can fell everything swell when this is being done for me and the sensations are really extra-intense.
How long did sex last during your most recent encounter? On average, 30 minutes when it's dark and there's no sexy talk (e.g. commenting on a partner's body or how erotic something feels); 49 minutes when it's dark and there is sexy talk; 48 minutes when the lights are dim, music is playing and there is no sexy talk; 53 minutes when the lights are dim, music is playing and there is sexy talk.
Do you wish sex lasted longer? Forty-one percent of men compared to 28 percent of Women wished their last sexual contact had been longer.
Was the TV on the last time you were in the sack? Yes, said one in five respondents. Having the television on is a big mistake....unless you are planning to watch some Female-Friendly erotic porn videos from Libido Films.
How often do you orgasm? Two-thirds of Female respondents said they always or almost always reach climax with their partner, but men said their partner usually climaxes more often — 73 percent of the time. One in six Women said they rarely or never climax. As for men, 74 percent said they always climax, while the rest said they usually do.
Do you engage in oral sex? ~ Four in 10 Women and men said they rarely or never give oral sex. Here's some insight into why: 58 percent of men said their partner doesn't like receiving oral sex; one in five Women said they're not comfortable enough with their genitals to receive oral sex; 45 percent of Women said they don't like performing oral sex while 21 percent said they’re uncomfortable with this sex act. The beginning point for lovemaking in the Female-Led model is to have him lowered to his hands and knees, begging the Female for sex. Look down on him and tease him. The Female has the Power. Learn how to use your Female Powers. Perhaps he should be denied his orgasm completely. Try something really different and make things really exciting for him tonight!
Are you happy with your partner? Eighty-one percent of men and 86 percent of women say they’re happy, overall, with their partner. Ninety-seven percent of both men and Women who are very satisfied with their sex life said they are happy with their partner.
Does your partner know how to excite you? Six in 10 men and seven in 10 women said their partner knows how to turn them on.
Are you a good sexual partner? Seven in 10 respondents said they are.
Do you communicate your sexual needs? Four in 10 respondents said they had asked their partner for something they wanted in bed in the past month.
What are some reasons why you didn't have sex in the last month? Among Women, 42 percent said they were too busy or stressed, 34 percent cited different bed times than their partner, 35 percent said they weren't interested and 23 percent said feelings about their body made them less interested. With men, 53 percent said their partner wasn't interested, 47 percent said they themselves were too busy or stressed, and 38 percent cited different bed times.
Do you make date nights for sex? Half of respondents said they do.
Do you engage in "verbal foreplay?" One in three respondents said they call or send an e-mail or text message to their partner to tease about doing something sexual to him or her.
Do you read magazine or internet articles, books that promise to put the spark back in your sex life? Yes, said 52 percent of Women and 41 percent of men. I do hope you are a member of my Female-Led web site. Inside my web site, there are lot's of creative ideas to spice up your love life. Everything is covered, from learning to giving her anal sex with your tongue, the Art of Queening, how to use a sex toy on Her, The Female Dominant ~ On Top position for Her, Golden Showers, Domestic Discipline, to learning to give her endless hours of orgasms with the male mouth and tongue to all aspects of erotic humiliation of the submissive male.
Have you cheated? Among married people, 14 percent of Women and 21 percent of men said they have cheated on their partner. Among cohabitators, 11 percent of women and 21 percent of men said they have cheated. Women's top reasons for straying: 44 percent said they were attracted to someone else; 32 percent said they wanted reassurance of their desirability. Men's top reasons: 48 percent wanted more sex; 47 percent wanted more sexual variety.
How many sexual partners have you had? Women reported a median of six partners, while men reported seven. One in six married respondents said they had just one sex partner — their spouse.
Join my Art of Female Dominance web site for my perspective on ways to enhance and bring variety into your sex life by taking a Female In Charge approach both inside and outside the bedroom.
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